The (Literal) Death of Adam Torres
by comet80
Summary: In the end it doesn't matter the clothes he wore, the pronouns he chose. In the end your parents choose your fate of remembrance. Regardless if the deceased would've liked that or not.


**_I'm Comet and this is the first fanfiction I've written in a long time. It's also my first Degrassi fanfic I've shared with the public. Last fall one of my best friends passed away in a tragic unexpected freak accident. His death led me to think more about Adams death, and how in the end the parents can choose how they want their child remembered. My best friend was far ahead of Adam in his transitioning stage, however, in the end, he was referred to opposite as to how he was. Some of the phrases said in the story are references to some phrases said at his service. _**

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The process of grieving never left anyone thinking straight. When you're grieving, you're selfish, you're an asshole, and nothing matters except the person you're grieving. Which is why Drew was fuming when he saw what she did.

A mother always sees her child as her baby, no matter what gender is chosen, no matter what name they go by: she sees her child as her child. And when Drew saw the cursive letters of GRACIE written on the preparation sheets for the tomb stone, he grew even angrier.

With grieving, you need something to put the anger on. You need something to be angry at, even if down the road it's rather silly. But at the moment, its the most important thing in the world. And this was something that made him angry.

Drew walked into the kitchen between moments of sobbing and blowing his nose long enough to see what his mother was doing in between her tears." Adam's not a girl," he croaked in a hoarse voice."Adam's a boy."

His mother didn't look up, ticking off boxes and scratching down numbers and replying to messages left by loved ones."Gracie's my baby girl,"she replied back."She'll always be my baby girl." That was left at that. But he couldn't accept that as a reason.

"Mom, Adam's a boy. Your son. Adam, my brother."

"I love Adam, but I feel its best for family if we put Gracie down on everything. Not everyone in our family knows Adam, but they know Gracie."

And thats why Drew broke down once again on the rainy afternoon, watching _Gracie_ be put to rest. Everybody was mourning _Gracie. _He can't remember the few there mourning Adam, and were equally confused when they saw the obituary with words like "she" and "her." He doesn't remember ever hearing the words son, but the word daughter. And the only thing he can see that is left of his brother, is the suit he was buried in. The finest suit they could afford to put their baby in, they did.

As the family gathers on the cold day in their finest black, Drew listens to the words of his mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles, as they mentioned how much their beloved Gracie was going to be missed. His mother talks about the day her daughter was born, her precious life, and how she wished to wrap her baby in a bubble for protection. She talks about the beautiful soul of her daughter, how she was unique and different. How the world always judged those who had a unique approach to life, the more intelligent.

While the family mourned, Drew stood still. He knew his mother secretly wished Gracie was permanent. It was easier, it was less confusing, and they didn't have to move around so much. He knew she wanted a daughter but had two sons. He knew she had those mother expectations, where she used to force on the Easter dress, and paint the nails. How she used to make Mommy Daughter dates that soon turned into protests.

And at the final words of the ceremony, the guests departed. The stone was placed and Drew was left alone. He looked at the glossy stone,slumping down next to it. "Adam..." he whispered, trying his best to focus on the should be words, and not the words that are there.

Holding back large sobs, Drew saw out of the corner of his eye an array of blond come by. Drew recognized her as Becky Baker, or otherwise known as the reason Adam Torres is no more. She didn't make any eye contact with the older Torres boy, kneeling down next to the stone to quietly place a rose on it. She had been watching from afar, too afraid to show herself to the family.

"I love you Adam," she whispers and Drew holds back a sob.

"It's your fault, you know," Drew snaps.

"I-" The whisper is breathy. The girl doesn't speak. Instead she focuses on the name placed on the stone. "Who's Gracie?" She whispers. While she had known Adam was transgender and not a girl, the idea of her boyfriend having things such as a female name was foreign to her.

"Adam," he responds. He wants to punch Miss Bakers face in, but disregards. His brother wouldn't want that, and he doesn't think he could see clearly anyway.

"Why Gracie?" She asks. All she could think about is her boyfriend dressed in female attire. Her boyfriend being referenced as a girl. Her boyfriend making her appear as a lesbian.

"Mom thought it'd be easier. They all knew Gracie. Only we knew Adam."

"But Adam wouldn't want that!" She doesn't realize she shouted.

Drew half shrugged."It doesn't matter. Mom always wanted Gracie to make a reappearance. So she did. I've got to go," he whispers hoarsely. He can't stand to be around the girl who killed his brother. The girl who was the reason he was like this right now. Feeling the vibrations he looks down at his phone, expecting his mother to be telling him something, an errand or somesort. Instead, its a message from Becky.

_Come Celebrate ADAM! ADAM TORRES MEMORIAL TONIGHT 7!_

Drew deletes the text, and thinks maybe, just maybe he'll go.

He doesn't really feel like mourning his sister anyway.

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_**Thank you for reading. Feedback is welcome :)**_


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